Monthly Archives: February 2009

What’s In the Toilet Today?

I know everyone in the free world must be wondering, so let me fill you in on some things that can generally be found swirling around in our toilet.  Thanks to our two almost-2-year-olds, who seem to be conducting their own little version of ‘Operation Shock & Awe,’ we routinely find any number of odd things in our downstairs toilet.

I thought it was bad when I found them the other day attempting to flush a perfectly matched pair of my shoes.  When it gets quiet around our house, we should immediately jump to the conclusion that they must be up to something…because they usually are.  Jadon, being the ringleader, had both of his fluffly little hands wrapped around the handle of the toilet and was repeatedly pushing the handle in between bouts of mischievous giggles.  Jordan was standing to the side, leaning over the toiled and laughing hysterically as the shoes swirled round and round.  Luckily, I did happen upon this little scene before they actually succeeded in lodging one or both of the shoes deeper in the toilet.
So, dripping shoes in hand, I hurried to the garage and tossed them out to deal with later.  Jadon and Jordan, however, I had to deal with then.  They are very lucky that they are such cute little guys…it has saved them many times already.  Their big brown eyes and cute little grins make it pretty hard to get mad at them, no matter how many pairs of waterlogged shoes I may have.  So, when you see me, just remember, on any given day, I could be wearing my ‘toilet shoes.’
I should never have said that the shoes in the toilet were bad, though, because little did I know, it was going to get worse.  We’ll start here with a riddle:  Do you know how much cat food a toilet can hold before it overflows?
I learned very quickly after the shoe incident that a toilet can hold approximately 5 pounds of dry cat food and a dozen paper napkins before water starts to flow over the rim of the toilet, carrying chunks of clumped and now-soggy cat food with it.
Once again, they were caught in the act.  Jadon was caught holding the cat food back upside down over the toilet, trying to stuff as much in as he could, and meanwhile, Jordan was crumpling up napkins (and laughing) and stuffing them on top of the cat food/toilet water mixture.  Trust me when I say that you really just don’t know where to start when you walk into this scene.  My first goal was to stop the cat food waterfall that was pouring out of the toilet, but in order to do this, I had to plod and splash my way across the wood floor and sink my feet into the now very squishy rug that was in front of the toilet.
As I stood there, plunger in hand, I realized that this was no simple plunging job.  Oh no, first I had to find something with which to scoop the mounds of cat food out of the toilet.  What better than one of our beloved coffee mugs?  So, when I had finally retrieved as much cat food as I thought possible from the bowl, I started plunging.  And plunging.  And plunging.  Finally, I had to call in reinforcements, because I was pretty sure I was never going to be able to move the offending item from the drain.  Jacob was able to finally dislodge the clump of gooey cat food and flush, so we are all good to go now.  Can’t wait to see what they’ll flush next.

Hypochondriac Kid

Micaela just informed me that she is having panic attacks.  Now, I know what you are probably thinking.  Any good mother would be startled and worried and rush immediately to the nearest medical care facility.  But that is not what I did.

Instead, I pooled this new information with all the other information she has given me over the past several weeks, and evidently, we have some serious problems, including:
Sore back…needs a sleep number bed.
Sore ankles…needs ibuprofen.
Asthma problems. (she has not had an asthma problem since she was an infant.  Now, I am not discounting this either, but in light of the many other “problems” she is having, I am hesitant to panic.)
Hard of hearing.
Trouble seeing.
Frequent stomach aches (usually around homework or shower time).
Sore throat (again, frequently).
And finally, panic attacks.
Now, in dealing with the pre-teen girl, I have learned an all-important lesson.  Never, never minimize what her ailments may be, no matter how insignificant they may seem at the time.  Sore toes are as catastrophic and devastating as migraines (which, by the way, she evidently suffers from as well).
I have to draw the line, however, at panic attacks.  I told her, very nicely, that I didn’t think they were panic attacks.  Instead, I thought that maybe they were fits or temper tantrums.  At which point, she threw another “panic attack” at my lack of sympathy for her condition.
Ahhhh, gotta love those pre-teen hormones.  I have ruined her life yet again.