1. Marissa walks around the house wearing a Chiefs jersey and blubbering about watching the game with her daddy. Ok, she’s never been overly concerned about watching “the game” on Sunday, but evidently it bothered her tremendously that her daddy was not there watching the game himself.
2. Jadon finds it necessary to fling applesauce and scream “My Da Da!” at the top of his lungs whenever he is feeling particularly abandoned and stuck with chopped liver (a.k.a. – Me).
3. Mommy is about as pleasant as a hibernating bear when she is awakened at 2:00 a.m. on Sunday morning because the toddlers in the house are up and ready to play.
4. Bribing children with foods like chocolate and soda is only healthy for so long. After days on end, we are looking at mounting dental bills and summers at fat camp.
5. Without Daddy’s constant promises to interview boys and scare them off with his fearsome fatherly presence, Micaela has—over the weekend—acquired a “boyfriend” and set up a “date” with him at Sonic.
6. Mommy is debating the benefits of self-medicating daily with Captain Morgan.
7. Seventh-grade math skills are clearly past my level of expertise. Unless we plan on penciling in a permanent payment to Sylvan, we need the math-whiz in the family to get home.
8. The checking account is in disarray, and I’m thinking it looks good that way. More stress = more shopping, so for the sake of avoiding bankruptcy, Daddy needs to stay home.
9. The City of Lee’s Summit is starting to think we are homeless. We have been to the park so much in the last few days, I fear they have tagged our family as “in-need.” The park is the only place the little monsters are fairly well-behaved.
10. We are out of macaroni and cheese. This is as gourmet as it gets, and I refuse to take them all in public—even to the grocery store—at least as long as I am sober. (Refer to #6.)