In an effort to mock all of my children equally, I would like to share with you some of the items that currently appear on their Christmas lists. Now, these lists are not exhaustive, because that would just take WAY too long, and I’m not sure the memory on my computer could handle it. But these are the highlights, and I find some of them mildly to excessively entertaining.
“Uh, Dude, I dunno. Some beef jerky, I guess.”
(Pay attention, now, because this one has some seriously funny stuff on it.)
Everything that has to do with the Vampire Diaries.
Because, DUH! Mom, those boys are hot!
Harley-Davidson work boots.
You think she’s planning on doing some hard-core housework? I’m thinking it’s more for the fashion statement, but still, a mom can dream, right?
Yes, Pumpkin. We would love for you to have more opportunities to leave rotting food in your room. We actually enjoy mice and bugs. Not so much.
Also a definite yes, because we would love to have you spy on us when we’re trying to talk about all of y’all in private.
Justin Bieber Fashion Figure.
Uh-huh. The ultimate in home décor, I am sure. This little beauty will be catching dust for a couple months and then be the star attraction in our spring garage sale.
And finally, the grand finale. The big item on the list. Wait for it…
Rosetta Stone for Swahili.
Um. Words fail me. Truly they do. First of all, WHY? And secondly, WHY?!? Maybe in an effort to pay homage to our non-existent Swahili-speaking ancestors? Or maybe for a college scholarship—because I hear they are giving a LOT of those for Swahili.
(And I have to give her credit—she was creative in the delivery, which will definitely give her bonus points when Santa’s elves attack the local malls. She provided a traditional list. AND she then provided a grab-bag sort of contraption which contained all her wishes on separate slips of paper, so that the purchaser could either draw an item out of the bag at random or select his or her favorite. Brownie points for creativity.)
What the heck ARE these things? I think parents should be provided a handbook of the most popular toys each year before Christmas. That way, I would not have to Google to see what a Squinkie is. Just a thought.
All in all, though, she had a fairly modest list and has been confirmed to be on Santa’s nice list, so things are looking good for her this year.
Jadon’s List/Jordan’s List
I’ll combine this one, because for the most part, the lists are identical. They go something like this:
“I want dat. And dat. And dat and dem and dose. I gonna tell Santa I want a whole bunch of toys.”
So I think it’s safe to say they are not placing such useful items as undies and tooth brushes on their lists.
So this is what I’m working with. Dear Santa, Mommy needs a margarita.