Smeagol

To those of you who are not Tolkien fans, well first of all, fooey!, but also you should totally check out Lord of the Rings.  I know, I know—old news.  But something has recently brought Smeagol to the front of my mind.  So I’d like to review what I know about Smeagol (Gollum).  Because I sort of know someone like him.
He’s sort of either bone-white or sallow.  (Eww, right?)
He tends to keep such things as goblin teeth and pieces of bat wings in his pockets.  I have not yet confirmed this about the person I know and to whom I am comparing Smeagol, but I would not be surprised to find out that my own real-life Smeagol carries such things around.
He is emaciated and gaunt.  Yep.  Moving right along.
He has a split personality.
He’s argumentative.
He’s foul.
Oh Ma Gawd, I know Smeagol!  Is this something I can report to America’s Most Wanted or something?

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