- They would shoot someone if they stole their boyfriend.
- They would shoot someone who looked at them the wrong way.
- They would shoot someone who wore the same shirt on the same day as them.
- They would shoot someone if they woke up in a bad mood.
- They would shoot someone if they woke up with a zit.
- They would shoot someone if their favorite jeans were in the dirty laundry.
- Your kid finds it necessary to repeatedly remind my kid that she can do more leg lifts than my kid. Oh yeah? Well my kid could kick your kid’s butt at the Alliteration Game, which we play all the time in the car. And I’m pretty sure your kid is too busy being a bully to know how to alliterate.
- Your kid finds it necessary to roll her eyes every time my kid ends up on her team. Um, yeah, your kid might be able to outrun my kid, but trust me on this one, your kid is going to want my kid around should there ever arise any need for 1) intelligence 2) kindness or 3) personality.
- Your kid thinks it’s cool to get other kids to gang up on my kid. Ok, so your kid can round up a posse. That’s awesome if she wants to start the Lee’s Summit chapter of Hell’s Angels. That should make you proud.
- Your kid thinks making my kid cry is a fun pastime. Also awesome…if you are a total cretin. And one day, when my super-smart kid that actually has a personality grows into the majorly awesome older person that I know she’s going to be, she’ll be the better person and smile at your kid who will probably be asking “Do you want fries with that?”
- Your kid makes snarky comments about how my kid makes her team lose all the time and can’t climb a rope or do pull-ups. Ok, well, I’m not sure climbing a rope or doing pull-ups is necessary in order to become a doctor or lawyer or chef or whatever other amazingly AWESOME thing my kid will be. So while your kid is climbing the rope, my kid will be growing her brain. (Oh yeah, but tell your kid not to slow down too much, because my kid is right on her heels in that regard, too.)
This is a new, short installment that I’m doing in honor of the crazy food concoctions Micaela comes up with at times (ok, most of the time). It may not always be a sandwich, and I’ll try to get pictures in the future, but let’s just quickly reference last night’s dinner.
Me: OMG, girl, what’s on that sandwich?
Micaela: Lunch meat, cheese, sauerkraut, mayonnaise, and salsa.
Me: (various unladylike barfing noises)