Ghetto Sandwich

Dear Daddy,
Um, yeah.  Where do I even begin?  First of all, we are not taking THIS to school:
Let me explain.  You may not have heard the term.
Ghetto Sandwich:  A sandwich constructed from leftover bits and pieces of food scraped up from around the house; a half-hearted attempt to look like its mainstream cousin, ‘the sandwich.’
We skipped downstairs to find ourselves confronted with this monstrosity facing us on the stove this morning.  Sitting in the place where our sandwiches normally sit were these things, one thing made of two squished-together heels and the other made of a hamburger bun.  Is that seriously a flippin’ hamburger bun, dude?
Yeah, this isn’t going to work.  You see, normally, the lunch fairy leaves us some nice, respectable sandwiches to place inside our lunch boxes each morning, but this morning, I’m not sure what we’d done to make her so mad at us.  But evidently, she scraped her way around the kitchen and found the most crusty, revolting bread she could find and decided to mash it together and call it a sandwich.
Ok, you see, if we take this to school, the welfare people are going to start sending food baskets to our house to help us through the tough winter months.  I didn’t even look to see what was in the middle of these sandwiches—usually it’s peanut butter and jelly, but judging by appearances today, there is absolutely no telling what might be hiding between those crusty heels.  OMG, please tell me we didn’t have any sardines hiding in the pantry!
Anway, I’ma gonna buy my lunch today, and I’m pretty sure my sister is, too.  Yeah, thanks.

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