Five-year-olds are entirely too smart. That’s all there is to it. And here’s how I came to this amazing revelation.
Sometimes, after bedtime, mommies and daddies like to have a little alone time. This becomes increasingly difficult as you add children to your household. (Trust me on this one.)
For example, 5 gazillion children = .23413 second of alone time per day. This is a scientific fact—don’t try to disprove it. It is true.
Given the above-mentioned figure, it stands to reason that desperate adults might come up with stories—little white lies, if you will—about why they need the kids to go to bed, stay in bed, and leave them alone. Fairly harmless really.
And so it went. Last night, after tucking in the kids and promising them a few minutes of precious TV time in their room, we let them know that Mommy and Daddy needed to finish “folding laundry.” Then we would be right along to tuck them in. This was code for, “Stay where you are kids—this could scar you for life.”
Did they listen? Well, partially. But we are talking about 5-year-olds.
As we were “folding laundry” in the dark, a startling knock came at the bedroom door. In a spectacular feat of gymnastic speed and flexibility, the (ahem) laundry participants dove for the floor, but alas, the door held firm. (Thank goodness!)
Instead, we heard a little voice at the door. “I know you aren’t folding clothes. I can see that the light is off!”
Fabulous. “Why, yes, yes it is. Light burned out!” God, we are terrible liars.
“Did you forget I want to sleep on your floor?” Jadon was persistent, and his brother wasn’t far behind him.
“Nope. Just a minute.” How could we possibly forget?! We knew we were missing the Dream Light and the Light Saber nightlight to make our room feel cozy.
And then came the finale. “Okay. Sorry to bother you.” And he left. And we burst into laughter, laughter than can only be understood by parents with little ones running amok throughout the halls.
Apparently, we need to come up with a list of more believable activities in which to participate in the dark. The 5-year-olds are not fooled.