The school says my kids will be running for fun. (The Fun Run, they call it.)
The school does not know my children. Not at all.
I have not raised a family of runners.
We run when things are chasing us. Like bears. Or tigers. Or things that can eat bears and tigers…because whatever that would be would be scary as hell.
We do not run for fun.
I ran yesterday. For about a block, and it was because my dog made me. And there was fire from the friction that was produced between my thighs.
My dog is a large bully that thinks he needs to run alongside my child on his bike. My dog’s thighs do not rub together. He does NOT understand.
I might also run for doughnuts. Or cake. Or pie. Or a pie SALE. Could you even imagine it?? A pie sale?! For that, I could work up a little joggity-jog.
Back to the school. Where is this run? They say my boys will run 30 laps? AROUND WHAT? The water fountain?
They say it will be approximately 2 miles. They LIE.
My boys don’t even run downstairs when it’s dinnertime.
My boys wouldn’t run if I said, “Hey, look, it’s a giant chocolate fountain sitting on top of a mound of brand-new Pokemon cards!”
They might run if the school said, “Hey boys, look, it’s a brand-new X-Box, complete with all the games you’ve ever wanted in your entire little lives!!”
Then there would be running.
Otherwise, they should probably just collect money for a good cause. And maybe be happy if the boys want to play outside instead of with something electronic.
Also, running makes my legs cry.